I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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