You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Vodka?
Forever.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
