look no pants
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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