She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
