in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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