you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
