You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
