I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
