either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
