I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
