The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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