i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
3 2 1 whiskey
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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