I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
