She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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