my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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