my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
