I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
