Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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