She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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