he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
