I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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