Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
