By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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