yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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