READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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