You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
