do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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