it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I am one with the molecules
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
