next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
