how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Randomize
