she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
