Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
