Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
