Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
