And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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