Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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