could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
