I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize
