What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
