i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
