sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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