White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
