If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
