I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
