i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
