butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
