I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
