You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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