My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
