I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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